The Family that hurts together stays together

 Hello everyone! I hope you had a great week!

I am going to start this blog post off with an experience from my life. I used to live in this little town in Idaho until my family moved to Oregon. Before we took the leap as a family my dad went ahead of us and started his new job in Oregon while our house in Idaho was on the market. So, it was my mom, me, my two older siblings and my little sister continuing our lives with our dad what seemed far, far away. I don't think I truly understand how hard this must have been for my parents and how it tested their marriage. My Grandma lived about halfway from both of us and so we met at her house every few weeks and would take trips to Oregon often. I don't remember a lot of how I felt but I do remember worrying if my dad was cheating on my mom or if they were going to get divorced. All went well and my parents stayed close through phone calls, and they were so happy to see each other. I know I missed my dad and was really excited to move to Oregon and be together as a family again. The move went well and that year we were apart seemed like nothing at all. This was a crisis my family went through that strengthened my parents'  marriage and our family. 

All families and relationships go through crisis that have the power to tear them apart or strengthen them. It is not purely the experiences that have all the power. I often have this perspective that what happens to us creates reactions and emotions but really our thoughts have all the power. Something terrible can happen but if you have healthy, positive, and true thoughts you will be able to get through it and let it be a growing experience.

This can be what people call coping. Although, I learned this week that coping is much more than "just getting through". I was told that working out is an analogy for coping and stress on family relationships. While working out you push yourself. You may not want to keep doing the reps and may be tired, but you do it because you know it will help you be stronger and get the results you want. It is the same for relationships. You may be tired with the circumstances and situations or with your spouse or child. You probably don't want to go through all the tension and conflict that comes up. It is hard to work through differences or hardships that come up, but these are the things that can help your relationship grow and become stronger. When you stretch and exercise your body you are more immune to breaks and other health scares, your mental health improves, your mood improves, etc. There are definite benefits for an hour or so of being uncomfortable and tired. 

Imagine you and your spouse go through a ginormous trial, whatever it may be. What is your first thought response to it? Is it distancing yourself from your spouse and your family? Is it diving into work or another activity? Would you cancel your current routine?

How can you change these responses to become a strengthening workout for your relationship? How can you use this to come closer together with your spouse to love and support each other? These are the kinds of things that need to be done together with your loved ones. Remember that there are good things in life even when everything seems bad. Continue your routine. Keep going on dates with your spouse. Suffer together. Pray together. Heal together. Work together. It can be done.

I invite you all to think about any crisis in your life and your reactions and how maybe you can change them into growing experiences. I would love to hear your thoughts in the comments!

Have a great week! Catch you next time!

- Emily